That was nice

A few families from the church with younger kids, got together and had a little picnic at one of their houses.  We had a really nice time.  The best part was, this event had no particular purpose.  I never realized this but sometimes that's just the point.  Church get togethers don't always have to have a purpose.

In fact, this was time we really needed.  I know I needed it badly... What a gift!

Aaron was very good (until it was time to leave).  Ohiba enjoyed herself despite her fatigue, and I was relaxed.  I really didn't know most of these folks that well.... None of them are in the choir, so, that could be why.  I think this was one of the best ideas we've had yet, to bring groups of people together who really don't know each other well and have them hang out. So, what an idea.... as far as I know it just happened by suggestion.  Amazing.

Cheers

-S

thoughts and a prayer at a coffee house event

The Mean Act of Abortion Vs Personal Sacrifice

(Edit) After speaking with several trusted friends I have decided to put in this short pre-message. 

1) This message is NOT for you if you've had an abortion and are having difficulty with the results of that decision. Please understand I am not trying to cause you any pain and I do not stand in judgement of you -- I am not qualifed to do that.  If that's where you are, please know that God loves you more than you can possibly imagine,and, He will forgive you if you just ask him.

2) While my writing is very black and white, sometimes in life things can be more 'shades of gray' from many different perspectives.  So, I can't possibly cover every perspective.  There are just certain situations I can't predict.  Therefore if you, the reader, believe I have left something out, please write a comment below.

3) As I learn more and more, I've come to realize that certain decisions can be, or appear to be, out of our hands. Therefore this message is directed squarely at those who have a clear choice, not at those who are being power played, coerced or controlled by someone else. 

4) Also let me say that God loves each of us more than we can possibly know. I'm not attempting to judge you or anyone else, but, if some of my verbage appears caustic it is only because I am expressing myself and my point of view. I feel passionately about this issue, and am trying to do my part.

-SD427.

The Mean Act of Abortion Vs Personal Sacrifice

As I sat early this morning, I began to think on the subject of Abortion.  During the creation festival, many folks wore shirts that said "Abortion is Mean" on the front.  I approached one of the wearers and said "that just sums it all up, doesn't it?".  The shirt had a bible verse on the back but I don't remember which one.  One person, who had attended the festival with us, proclaimed that she was an agnostic.  At the end of the festival she expressed her discomfort partly by saying "All of these people wearing Anti-Abortion shirts...".  Her comment made me think, what is so objectionable about the idea that someone is against abortion?  I continued to ponder and began to come to a personal understanding of why her comment reverberated --- its because of world-view. 

To me its like this:

The Mean Act of Abortion

vs.

Personal Sacrifice

What am I referring to?  Clearly an unwanted or surprise pregnancy is a shock to the mother, and many times, the father.  So, what are these folks willing to do? I believe we can boil down their thinking to one empirical choice in most cases.

Choice A:

Abort this unborn child, cause the baby suffering and cause yourself suffering in the form of long-term emotional damage.  Plus you can have life-long remorse for an irreversable decision.  Do this for yourself, convince yourself that this is best for your baby because you'll be a bad mother or father.  Decide that there's no future in raising a baby.  Be self-centered and decide that your baby should not exist so that you can have a chance to live the life you want to live now. Decide this baby should not exist because you got pregnant from being raped, or you were impregnated by someone who is now dead.  Or you were impregnated by someone who has turned out to be a loser.   Or you have a top-level executive position at a fortune 100 compnay and 'can't afford to be pregnant right now'.  Whatever the excuse, the thinking is -- "It's all about me".  This is a popular advertising slogan, so why not?  'I' will decide that this child should not exist. 'I' got a bum deal and need to fix it. 'I' am in complete control of my destiny. 'I' have total rights over my body, period so 'I' can do this.  How could 'I' go wrong to take care of #1 isn't that what people are supposed to do anyway?  Choice B is choosing suffering, over personal sacrifice.

Choice B:

Bring this child into the world, even if it has birth defects or brain damage, and, even if it will disrupt the mother and father's life.  Bring it into the world and then decide what to do. Take a risk. Go out of your element and so something daring -- birth a child! Once the child is born there are several options....the mother and father can arrange for an adoption.  The mother and father can raise the child together, or apart. The mother and father can get counciling, help, and support from many church organizations in the process.  If it turns out that they cannot raise the child at a later time, they can still find a home for the child through the church or through state agencies.  In the meantime, after the baby is born, Mom and Dad have to work hard. Really hard. Perhaps its just Mom, or just Dad. Either way, we, the human race,  have to provide a home for this child. We all share responsibility the 'blame game' does not apply here.  We will have to sacrifice part of ourselves in the process.  This is where we can take a difficult situation and turn it around by giving the gift of LIFE.  This is where, the church has to step up and say we will be responsible for this child.  If a baby is christened or baptized or dedicated, do we mean what we say? Do we mean we will help that child? We had better intend to put into action the words that we speak.  We have to let go of our outrage towards pregnant teen mothers and the fathers of these children and help them do the right thing for these little babies. Choice B is daring. Choice B is choosing personal sacrifice, over suffering.

At no other times in our lives are we faced with a more difficult challenge than to take care of a child, or children.  But in doing so we bring more life in the world and this is something that cannot be rivaled. 

The question is, if you are reading this, are you willing to modify your world-view to accomodate my reasoning?

-SuperDad427.

Creation Rememberance 2007

Creation Rememberance 2007

Preface: The Warmup.

This year, I had high hopes for Creation 2007, as Creation 2006 was rained out.  We were preparing for a ‘real’ campout again, with tents and outdoor cooking.  Many, many things were solved in advance thanks to God making things work out.  Things like, my friend from Tn being able to come because of a connection through his church, with a vendor at Creation.  Its amazing that a vendor in Tn just so happened to be selected by the festival staff, when, there are clearly many others closer to Agape Farm in Shirleysburg, PA who can do the same thing. What’s even more amazing was that my friend knew him and his brother from years past… Only God can make these things happen.  It’s amazing that another friend agreed to come with his tricked out Cedar Creek trailer and all of the toys that come along with it, even though his fiancée really didn’t want to camp with anyone else. But, if he had not come, our trip would have been excessively miserable and I doubt we would have lasted the week?  Stuff like, a big personality conflict between my wife’s friend and myself, which caused a large amount of grief for both of us and almost caused her not to go.  Yet, there was a heart change on both sides before we went that made this trip possible.

I had emailed a friend about my hopes for creation this year:

“I keep doing my best to calm my heart, to train my thoughts and prepare to be a background player and I am hoping that God will bring healing and some level of mutual understanding at Creation.  But if not, I am still planning to enjoy my vacation, and see what God has planned.”

So, then, what happened?

June 23^rd: The Preparation Begins.

Anyone who has ever told you that getting ready for a big trip like Creation is no big deal has either never done it or has just been ‘along for the ride’.  Camping in particular takes a huge amount of effort to get ready for when you have kids involved.  In our case, because we had been rained out in 2006, my wife and I were especially wary and brought extra gear such as tarps and ponchos to be ready.  My wife did a tremendous amount of work to get us ready.  There were numerous trips to stores.  Her ingenuity in using containers was only rivaled by her absolute drive and desire to get there. In all of the years I have known her, my wife had never been as focused or prepared for a trip, ever.  At the same time, we were both feeling overwhelmed. So I stopped, assessed the situation and said “God is in control.  I will be prepared, but I’m not going to sweat the small details like what time we’re going to get there or how we’re going to setup our tents, etc.”.  I started praying, and trusting, and we went from there.  My son was bouncing off the walls, asking when we were leaving. It was a busy but very happy time, as all of us were filled with hope, anticipation, and determination.

June 24^th: The Preparation Continues.

Sunday morning was church, and then more packing.   This year, instead using of using a sedan, we were very blessed to have possession of a 2007 Honda Odyssey.  http://automobiles.honda.com/models/model_overview.asp?ModelName=Odyssey

The big issue here: Install the roof rails and buy a rooftop carrier for our 2007 Honda Odyssey and then try to find a rooftop carrier.  Well, we went to Sears, and Pep Boys and called a few different places.  I wound up buying a cheap rooftop carrier from walmart, which did not get used.  But the other big deal: Installing the rooftop cross bars I bought on eBay.  Seriously, it LOOKS simple.  Thank God again for my wife, who is mechanically and dimensionally inclined in areas that I am not. Also thanks to God for the OEM Honda instructions I found on a website, which, were much easier to understand than the instructions that shipped with my kit. Between my knowledge and my wife’s ability we were able to get them installed.  We didn’t use them this trip but knowing they were there, gave me some peace.

June 25^th: The Big Pack.

My wife took the van in the morning to go SAMS Club since our friend who was traveling with us had her van in the shop to get ready.  I began to get skeptical, annoyed and frustrated that our friend had not done what we had done. Then I remembered, what I had written to another friend above, and I asked forgiveness.  This time alone was very important.  I began to organize our gear, label each container, and do some housework so that we didn’t have mountains to do when we returned home.  Without anyone around, much of this would have taken a long time.  My wife apologized that she was so late getting home, and I just told her that I was not angry about that.   As we’re packing we realized that once again we were out of containers, so, its off to TARGET to buy more.  In the meantime, I was in touch with friends who we were meeting up at Creation, to speak with them about setting up last minute logistics.  I finally got the Odyssey packed out around 7:45 PM.  Then I took it for a test drive, and hit the brakes. A container of food came flying forward and went into the middle row, and that’s when I realized I had to repack the van. HINT: Never double-stack containers length wise to make 3 rows. If you have to double-stack, pack them width-wise so that they don’t go through the middle seat, OR, buy a trailer. I finally locked up and went to bed around 10PM, with peace in my heart knowing that I was prepared, but excited as well. 

June 26^th: The Line Just Keeps Going, and Going, and….

We woke up the morning, had breakfast and began to do some things around the house.  Our moods were positive, and our outlook rosy.  We rolled out of our driveway at 10:30AM, and went to our friend’s house who was still getting ready.  We left her house at 11AM, bound for the valley forge rest stop on I276 (PA Turnpike) where we planned to have lunch, and, meet up with our friends have the ‘big trailer’.  Then, the personality conflicts surfaced.  I kept doing my best to work through them, and encourage my wife to stay focused on our goals and relax. My wife encouraged me in the same way.  Finally we rolled out, and made our way towards Mt Union, PA with one stop for fuel up.  Always fuel up before you get in line to enter Creation.  We made our way through Mt Union without incident, and then we hit the line to enter the campgrounds.  The first line was to check for vehicle passes.  Meanwhile I’m talking to my friend who is on staff, and he’s bringing a group from Tn.  We got on line at around 5PM.  My friend called and said “well we’re in Ohio”.  As we crawled through line, the next time I talked to my friend, he said “we just entered PA”.  As we continued to wait in line, we realized that our friend might even beat us there since he was able to bypass the line (staff & vendors) and get straight into the Agape farm.  He almost beat us there.  We finally got our assigned site in K-land around 9PM as it started to get dark.  As we’re setting up our site, mostly in the dark, my friend calls and says “how much do you have setup” and I said “about 50%” and he said “STOP! We may be able to get you space by the fringe stage”.  After a quick assessment, John (Mr. Rv) and I determined that with the 4 children (boys aged 4-8) camping near the fringe stage would be a bad idea, so we continued on with minimal preparations and got ready.  Finally my friend Brian and his son Anthony arrived at our campsite, while the youth working the inflatables stayed down at the fringe stage. We all went to bed, around 1AM, exhausted.

June 27^th: Open Wide the Flood Gates

The next morning, we got up and finished up the site prep and hung out. John and I hiked out to the fringe stage to reconsider moving there, and talked to the youth group from Brian’s church, who had come to run the inflatables.  We purchased some tarps and put them down at the main stage and then made our way back to our campsite.   We were all pumped for Switchfoot. And then, it started rain.  As it continued to rain, everything began to go to mud.  There were many conflicts between personalities at the campsite to manage.  My wife and I tried to stay positive but we had been scarred by the rain the previous year and were very concerned about dealing with it again since our experience was not very positive at all. My wife had asked if we should put put up the tarps and I said that was a good idea, but then we never got to it.   Around then at 8PM, it began to thunder, and then lightning struck.  There is absolutely NOTHING that will put the fear of God into you more than seeing a close by lightning strike. Its terrifying!  My wife and son were at the main stage and they had to clear the area.  They suspended the main stage, and stopped all incoming traffic for an hour.  Finally the thunder and lightning stopped, but the rain continued.  Our tent got soaked inside that night and as a result we were wet and disappointed. Also the youth working the inflatables found out that they had to work 12.5 hours a day, every day.  The owner of the company told them they had to do it. Apparently the arrangement was, that they would have free transportation, food and entrance to the festival and work 4-6 hours a day.  But since, they could not find enough people to cover the ‘rides’ safely, they owner of the company told them they had to work the longer hours, that he was not paying for meals and that they did not have time to go do anything at creation.   As we began to discover what was happening with this situation I began to realize why God had called us to come to Creation this year and my wife and I began to try and do anything we could to help out.

June 28^th: 9 years

June 28^th is my wedding anniversary. I had a card ready for my wife, and gave it to her in the morning. As we went through our day, I was continually reminded of just how far God has taken my wife and I in our marriage, and what He has done through my her in my life.  But, then, personality conflicts between others began to wear on my wife, and on me.  We kept pushing forward.  I slept, and Ohiba took Aaron to the children’s tent.  The rain continued all day.  My wife and I setup some tarps in our tent to try and stop the flow of water permeating our tent.  We got a break from the rain and this is what needed to setup our tarp.  Once again, my wife’s dimensional skills and my experience in the Boy Scouts growing up were what it took to get the job done. Wire ties are amazing – always bring a fistful when you go camping!  We wanted to go see the show that evening, but were too tired after dealing with the rain. Even with John and all of his toys, camping in the rain is NO PICNIC.   This is the amazing thing: I was relaxed. I was focused. I began to hear God’s voice more clearly. He said to me “the rain will stop.  Trust Me”.  We were all listening to the forcasts and reading them on mobile web (thank you to Verizon Wireless).  My friend Brian and I were talking, and we came up with the idea of taking the youth to a pizza shop in Mt Union, and then to walmart.  Fortunately I had the min-van. We figured out we could get them all into our two vans.  A few things to note here (1) this would not have been possible unless we had bought a mini-van and (2) we would not have known about the pizza place in Mt Union unless Brian and I had found it the year before out of desperation to find good food because of the rain and (3) my wife and I were on the same page, she was ok with me leaving here and Aaron at the site because she knew that she had help from John & Jess.  So we packed up the youth and rolled out, got some pizza and went to the Walmart Supercenter.  We had the best time!  Brian and I got to talk, and that time was very valuable.  The youth got to relax and we had a good time.  We got back and went to bed around 1AM.

June 29^th: Here Comes the Son.

Yes, it rained that night all night. Yet we stayed dry!  The morning was cold and I woke up around 6AM and it was cold.  I had a on a tshirt and just hung out and spent time with God.  But then, I began to get cold. Really cold.  So I grabbed a poncho. As folks started to get up I continued to be cold despite the sunshine.  My family went to the children’s tent and we had a great time, but I continued to feel not 100%.  We stopped by the fringe stage to checkout a band and I stayed for a while to listen, while Ohiba and Aaron went back to camp. Then it happened, I got a phone call on my cell.  It was a friend from work, who told me he is losing his job.  I began to feel disheartend, angry and sad.  I was angry that this call came, and that it ruined my time alone. I was disappointed in my employer for toasting my friend’s job. And, I started to get worried about my own job. I told some friends at my campsite, and asked them to pray for my work friend. This was in the back of my mind for days.  I went back to camp, and I layed down to take another nap. Ohiba took Aaron to the shower. Then, the youth leader came to make his youth group some lunch.  I woke up and God said to me “Eat some bananas you are low on potassium.” I obeyed and ate the bananas. I had not eaten them because they had been bought for the youth group and we were mostly keeping our supplies separate.  But, Jay told me to eat them all if I wanted!    Jay and I talked and I helped him prep lunch, and as we talked I began to get more of a feel for the situation with the youth and the inflatables.  As I ate the bananas I began to feel better.  Around dinner time, I felt God speak to me again “Take some allergy medicine”. So I did and within a few minutes I started to feel better. My wife was very tired, so she and Aaron went to bed along with our friend’s youngest and some of us trekked down to hear Toby Mac.  He and his entourage were absolutely awesome, but I still was not feeling 100%.  I went back to camp to find my friend John had built an absolutely awesome campfire.  John, Jess and I talked for a while and I began to realize that I was making new friendships.  It was at that point, that I started to get into creation mode. Hope sprang eternal.  As the campfire warmed me inside, I began to feel strong again. We made some smores and pop-tarts on the campfire.  As I turned in to go to sleep, God was speaking to my heart “I am preparing a good work in you Sean”.  It was a rough night.

June 30^th: We Finally Got to See a big time concert as a family.

Yes the rain stopped and the sun came out. We woke up to a surprise and had to air our entire tent. We had to clean both airmattresses and sanitize our entire tent.  I was not happy! But first thing in the morning I popped everyone in the van and we drove down to the bathrooms.  As we were leaving, I thought we were stuck in the mud and all of these people came to push.  Turns out that I had the emergency brake on, what a riot! Yes I will never live that one down and Brian will make sure of that.    We had breakfast, and then I felt good enough to go down to the children’s tent in the morning and actually enjoyed the show!  Bigsby was super. Mark Thompson was also terrific.  Aaron really got into it and I was so glad to see that.  We went back to camp and I made lunch. As we hung out one of the youth came back to camp. Ohiba and I spoke with him about his plight. This young man was very upset about missing the entire festival and felt as though he was being taken advantage of.   During the afternoon, Jay came back and made sandwiches for the youth.  As I watched him work with this young man, who had left work at the inflatables, I began to see just how important his ministry really is.  Jay was patient, honest and upfront with this young man who was so very frustrated, tired and angry at being taken advantage of.  Jay got his point across to him without beating him over the head and I was pleased to be able to be privy to the conversation.  I told Jay what a great job he was doing, agreed with him on his points and provided my perspective.   It felt good to be able to use the abilities and knowledge God has given me to serve.  At the same time I was very upset by what had transpired.  While Jay took some responsibility for the mis-communication with the vendor, my wife and I along with John and Jess figured that even though the vendor was short-staffed, that he could have made other arrangements such as shutting down an attraction. We also figured out that if he had a full staff he would have paid $1500 for creation tickets for them, whereas with the bare-bones 9 member staff he only paid $900 for tickets. So, where did the other $600 go?  While I am not privy to this vendor’s internal financial picture, something just didn’t seem right.  As outraged as we all were, we knew the best thing we could do was try to support Jay, Brian and their youth as best we could at the campsite to give them a ‘home’ to come to after 12.5 hours of work.  We pre-packed for the ride home and manged to collapse down to enough containers to make packing easier.  We then went to use the hot showers and what an experience that was…. Never SHARE a hot shower stall in creation with a hyper 7 year old (not enough space). Yet though I was exhausted and frustrated when I said “I have had enough of this camping crapola”  as I banged my head in the small shower stall, my son encouraged me. He calmed me down and made me realize that this was all part of God’s plan. I will never forget his comforting words or his sage advice. The funny thing is – what he said is what I say to him when he gets frustrated and angry.  So, he encouraged me in a way no one else could. God’s hand, moved again. Amen!

My family trekked down to see the NewsBoys that night, and Aaron fell asleep in his chair. It got cold but I felt good.  During that concert I finally began to praise God. It FELT SO GOOD.  That small, 15 minutes of praise time seemed to make up for 4 days of misery, even the then current difficulty of dealing with the logistics of the situation. Once again, my wife STEPPED UP TO THE PLATE AND MADE THE EXTRA EFFORT. I was blown away!  God filled me with joy and I worried not. Things just worked out.  Brian and Anthony came by, and though she was exhausted my wife packed out some gear and intended to come back to help with our sleeping 7 year old.  Anthony fell asleep in my lap. So now, I have two boys asleep and 2 back-pack chairs.  Once the concert was over, Brian and Anthony helped me get Aaron and our gear up to the shuttle bus.  Aaron woke up enough finally to get on the bus, and we made our way to the campsite.  Aaron went to bed and I then hung out at another roaring campfire. This time, the fire was like the final seal. I had been through the trials and had not gone off on anyone, had not yelled or screamed out of anger. God had taken me on a journey that was almost over. My wife and I huddled together that night, because it got so cold that my fingers were numb.  Yet I had a smile on my face because I knew that God brought us closer together. No, not a perfect vacation -- but God made it right somehow, anyway.

July 1st: Packing out.

Pack out was uneventful except for one small inter-personal conflict between two groups of people, which was very easily managed. This time I wore sunblock and didn’t get burned.   New friendships were formed and this was evident as we left.  Oh and that big looming personality conflict I mentioned up in the preface, somehow that was not an issue for me and this person anymore.  At a rest stop, we talked and this person shared some stories from her childhood with me.  I felt as though, God had moved here as well.  Its likely that the potential for conflict is still there, but God is teaching me to put that aside and just trust Him in my relationships. (I STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO). As we left the Mt Union area I began to feel sad that our time was over, but relieved to be going home.  Aaron was very sad to be separated from him friends!  But, as we pulled into the driveway, normal life began to resume. 

In closing:

In retrospect, God gave me much more than a farmer’s tan thanks to Creation 2007.  My wife and I are adamant that next year, if we attend, we will be using an RV or trailer or some sort. We’ve started making plans now.  We were tested by numerous obstacles and God continued to help us overcome them by trusting in Him. I served where I could and in doing so was served myself by my beautiful wife, who made this trip the best it could be.  There’s a lot of cleanup to do still, and I have the next few days for that.  But, I also feel great.  As I sat on the couch last night, reality hit me and my anxiety about work and life returned. Part of this was knowing that my friend is losing his job, and I began to fret about my own situation there.  So, I grabbed my son, we went upstairs and prayed as a family. I started to feel better.  I know, that if I just keep trusting in the Lord, He will continue to work in my life, marriage and relationships. He has spoken to me and I know there is a change coming in my professional life, I just don’t know what it is yet. I am tempted to worry about this change, since I am quite uncertain.  Anytime someone gets let go I worry about my own job. The thinking is, “If it happened to them it can happen to me”.  This is a looming concern for me but the experiences this past week have reinforced my faith in God.  He reminded me that we’re all just campers here on earth, that His creation is for us to enjoy and that when we die, we will move on to our permanent home at His feet.

I still have quite a bit to think about, and write about thanks to Creation 2007. One thing is definitely for certain: this was a week, I shall never forget.

33 Days without Battlefield 2:MC and counting

Over 30 days ago, I made a decision that changed my life.  I took my treasured copy of Battlefield 2:MC and put it in the garbage.  What led up to this?

I first played this game at a friend's house and was quite impressed with it.  Because the game is not gory, but is realistic in many other ways, I decided that I would buy a copy for my PS2.  It wasn't long before I was really into it and I found that this gave me more in common with a good friend of mine who was also playing it.

Games, in general, have been a part of my life since an early age.  When I was a boy, the big games were Asteroids, Defender and the Pac Man series.  My parents worried about me because they felt I was becoming obsessed with video games.  Point in fact:  One time, my Mom sent me and my brother to buy some milk at the local deli.   She gave us $3.00, and told us to bring back the change.  In that particular deli there was an asteroids machine.  So we took the change and played asteroids.  We even got a free game because the guy collecting the change from the machine was there and gave us one.  We played and then when we left, we came up with a story to tell about how we 'lost' the change. When we got home, my Dad was there (he had been out) and we told the story about the change.  My Dad said "you spent it on asteroids didn't you" and I said "How did you know" and he said "I drove by and saw you playing.".    Of course I confessed right away, but my Dad sat me down and told me he was very concerned about my behavior.   It really wasn't like me to lie, or fabricate.  This was probably the biggest lie I had ever told.

Over the years, certain games have fascinated me.  In fact being fascinated with games was actually more like being fascinated with technology. In High School, I started programming in BASIC on a microvax.  I tried every command the OS would give me, whether it requied SY$OPER privs or not.  I tried new things with my BASIC class, in fact the teacher gave me extra assignments because I was ahead of the class.  I saw the entire thing as a game, a challenge in itself.  I was hooked on computers. In college, I took computer science courses and at home I was hacking MS-DOS and using a MODEM to dial up BBS's.  I started learning about trasnfer protocols and message threading and using MASM to replace strings in command.com. I started using turbo pascal to write complicated code.  I even wrote my own menu system where my crowning achievment was to have a screen saver.  It was cool, I had a clock with seconds that floated to random positions on the screen at randmon intervals (in 80x25 color mode).  The code for that clock was not an easy thing to do, because I also had a hook in there to look for a keystroke in the buffer to bring back the menu.   I spent hours on that late into the night for weeks.  I was fascinated with computers.  I played games like VETTE and Jeapordy! and I had a few text simulators.

For my junior year of college I transferred to Rutgers University and stayed on campus.  I didn't have a computer so I spent many a waking hour trying to figure out how to get one.  I actually worked and saved my own money to buy one at a computer show.  I had made some friends through Intervarsity Christian Fellowship and also at the dining hall, and we all went to the show together.  These guys helped me pick out parts, loaned me parts I didn't have and we built a machine together.  It was my baptism into building PC hardware!  We built the machine in my dorm room.  I went to my Dad's house after the show and borrowed some used parts since he had upgraded his SIVA 286/20 to a color graphcis board (SuperVGA!) and an NEC 14" SVGA monitor.  The used parts: an amber monitor and a hercules graphics board.  My machine was a custom 386/40 with 4MB RAM.  It had 5 ISA slots.  My buddy Tom loaned me a 32MB Hard Disk.  I remember that night because we had started out (Me, Tom, John, Dan) at 8AM at a computer show. John and I went back to his house after and built his 486/33 tower, and then John gave me a ride back to school.  Then around 8PM I went home to my parents house and borrowed their stuff, and then it was around midnight or so when we started building my stuff.  My new fascination was building PC's.  I loved it and could not get enough.   I started helping everyone I could with their PC related issues. I learned all I could from my friends and in short order, I started learning things on my own and teaching them. I got a job working for RUCS supporting MAC's and PC's.  I started learning unix shell and stuff like fsp, ftp and telnet.  I started using internet email and tools like finger coke@cmu.edu.  My interests becmae technically diversified.  The INTERNET was here, and I was riding the wave.    And then, it happened.  ID software released Castle Wolfenstein 3D.  I was hooked. I had to fight with my brother for time on the color screen

When I became a senior at Rutgers, this game was in its highlight.  For Christmas that year, my Dad bought me a 15" color monitor and I had bought a color graphics board at a computer show. Windows 3.1 was out.  And then it came out: Jetpack.  You know, that game almost cost me my college career.  I beame fascinated with it.  Do you see a repeating pattern here? Anything having to do with computers had the potential to fascinate me not just games. My fascination was also with finding software and installing it.  Tom and I downloaded all kinds of stuff onto our account at rutgers and then used ZMODEM or KERMIT to download it to our hard disks  When I graduated, I moved back in with my parents.  I was out of work for 8 months. Finally I found a job at Galaxy Scientific.  Life was good there, I ran a multiline BBS and hung out with people my own age. The big game became Descent.  I started playing descent too much. I started playing during work. In my journal I wrote "I had better stop playing descent or I am going to lose my job."  I finally did stop playing that but then we all started playing Rise of the Triad on the network.  HMMM an IP based network game.   We all were hooked.  But I became fascinated with the concept of network based game play. 

Other games over the years, like Comets, have grabbed my attention but I didn't play online until I got my PS2.ast forward to 2004.  Here I am a grown man with my own house, a 55" Mitsubishi HDTV monitor and a broadband connection.  And I bought Star Wars Battlefront and went online.  I loved it. I stayed up until 2 or 3 AM playing online. I bought a headset and started talking to my friends online.  And I was dead tired in the morning.  See now I am married and have a son. "Responsibilities now you have, my young padawan".  So, I had to stop playing. My wife started telling me that I was playing too much.  I started playing on the weekends.  In 2006 my wife got a job and she started working weekends.  Now, I had time to play and she could leave me alone.  My son started hanging out with me and started taking an interest.  Then came Battlefield 2:MC.  Then I was hooked. I would pick up my son on a Friday after work, and start playing.  I would forget about his dinner and mine. My wife would come home to find me playing, my son upstairs making a mess and find get very angry with me.  I didn't get it. In my mind I deserved this game.  And honestly, if I played when all of my work was done that would not have been a big deal assuming it did not take away from my family or my job or my church....  But no I was substituting that game for my real life.  I became fascinated with my PPH, my rank, medals, strategies, glitching, caputre the flag strategies, running people over with jeeps and using C4 to make car bombs, and using a sniper rifle.  I started playing when I should have been doing other things like work.  Resentment against anyone and anything that stood in my way began to build.  Finally, in December 2006, while on vacation, my wife yelled at me because I was playing and there was work to be done as we were traveling to PA for an overnight stay.  I was very angry that on MY VACATION she would interfere with my personal enjoyment and insert herself into my situation.  My wife and I had a big argument. Huge. Finally in the middle of the argument it dawned on me that this game was preventing me from being a husband and a father.  It was not to blame for all of my problems but it was certainly a major part of the problem.  So I stopped the argument, went downstairs, took that game, put it in the box, and showed my wife. "Do you see this " I said, "this is a stumbling block for me.  Its now not going to be anymore" and I put it in the trash.  Then I took the trash out. My wife tried to tell me that I didn't need to throw the game out, but as Jesus said "If you eye causes you to sin pluck it out.... If your hand causes you to sin cut it off". 
The larger issue for me is one of maturity.  I allow myself to become fascinated with this type of stuff and then I lose all focus on everything else.  It sneaks up on me and that's it.  Its time for me to learn to balance on the fly and put everything in its proper place.

Anyway, yes its been over 30 days. I miss the game... But I am glad to reap the rewards the come with not playing. Because, when I put that game in the trash, my relationship wtih my wife and son improved. My friend pointed out "You made a sacrifice and now your wife recognizes that".  Do you know, that, despite numerous problems (like my wife's car getting wrecked by me right before we left, a rental car with bad tires and the like) our small trip to PA was some of the best family time we had had in months. My wife and I were united and we worked together in complete harmony.  It was a tremendous experience!    Now, if I could only stop reading those Star Wars books until 1AM....

-Sean